It is time

It is time to start now - if not started yet - the healing journey.

I started mine about 10 years ago and now is 2009. I am still in that journey, there still is a lot to be done but I am in much better place than I was ten years ago.

My journey started from exhaustion and despair, there was an urgent need for the change. I didn't know how and what to do, where to go - I didn't see anything else but dark - yet I had to take a step.

It was friday evening and kids were in the Sauna with their father. I was sitting in front of my computer and I had a blank word document at the screen. I had just finished some accounting work for my company and didn't have even that much energy that I could have moved or perhaps it was so that something else had to come out of me.

I was staring at the screen and my hands moved back to keyboard and I started to write words (in Finnish). Few words, short sentences, not knowing what I was writing but I was writing or my hands were writing.
After a while I was reading the words - the little piece that my hands had written - I saw a poem at the screen.

When I saw that little poem, I felt that something had shifted, some block had been changed or transformed to a slightly more transparent form than it had been. I felt lighter and had some trust that there is something better for me.

And I wrote another poem and another and another. Every day I was writing some poems. My kids were asking: To whom are you writing mom?

I told them that to myself, it is for me - just for me.

My writings were some simple little pieces and I felt so good when I saw them written.

And I felt much much better - all the time better.

And things started to shift slowly but certainly.

- so my journey had begun.