Tuesday, October 27, 2009

first steps

First step in my healing journey was my poems if they can be called like that. I continued writing poems a while, few months before nothing else happened. It was relieving to write those little pieces, I got so much comfort out of them. Actually I continued writing poems for few years. The energy and feeling in what I was writing changed quite a lot during those years.

There were many things that were happening in my life - some good some not so good.

I had bad headaches - continuously, I couldn't get rid of it. And I was loosing hair, my already thin hair was even thinner. Finally I ended up going to a new hairdressing saloon where they had a healing program for hair loss.

It was in the middle of the dark winter time when I found the place and went there. My hairdresser was wonderful, warm and smiling woman at my age. She had a wild hair and she looked so friendly and nice. I knew that I was in a right place.
While she was dealing with my scalp and hair we were chatting and she started to tell about a workshop that she had attended some time ago. It was called Reiki workshop - something to do with healing energy.

The more she told about it the more I started to get interested and curious about it. I got information about the person who was leading the workshop she had attended.

When I was leaving from the hairdresser my headache was gone and I felt more alive than I had felt for a long time and the idea of the Reiki workshop was growing in my mind.

Next week I noticed a small ad in the newspaper that the person my hairdresser was talking about was going to have a workshop. I called him and asked some information about the thing.
I didn't know how to take time for the workshop or how to arrange things to get there - I had two small children, home, company to lead and few other things that I couldn't handle so well that I could have been able to attend in the workshop.
Reiki teacher, his name is Jyrki, said that if I am supposed to attend everything will be resolved somehow.

Jyrki was right, everything was resolved and next weekend I attended in my first Reiki workshop. I was at Home with it. Reiki was something that I continued until I was a ReikiMaster. But still many things had to happen before that.

Anyways it was such a energy boost for me that my recovery had started and many other good things happened and continued to happen.

Saturday, October 24, 2009

It is time

It is time to start now - if not started yet - the healing journey.

I started mine about 10 years ago and now is 2009. I am still in that journey, there still is a lot to be done but I am in much better place than I was ten years ago.

My journey started from exhaustion and despair, there was an urgent need for the change. I didn't know how and what to do, where to go - I didn't see anything else but dark - yet I had to take a step.

It was friday evening and kids were in the Sauna with their father. I was sitting in front of my computer and I had a blank word document at the screen. I had just finished some accounting work for my company and didn't have even that much energy that I could have moved or perhaps it was so that something else had to come out of me.

I was staring at the screen and my hands moved back to keyboard and I started to write words (in Finnish). Few words, short sentences, not knowing what I was writing but I was writing or my hands were writing.
After a while I was reading the words - the little piece that my hands had written - I saw a poem at the screen.

When I saw that little poem, I felt that something had shifted, some block had been changed or transformed to a slightly more transparent form than it had been. I felt lighter and had some trust that there is something better for me.

And I wrote another poem and another and another. Every day I was writing some poems. My kids were asking: To whom are you writing mom?

I told them that to myself, it is for me - just for me.

My writings were some simple little pieces and I felt so good when I saw them written.

And I felt much much better - all the time better.

And things started to shift slowly but certainly.

- so my journey had begun.